#1. The beginning of the process, minus most of the begining

I'm not entirely sure if doing this blog is one of my better idea's or not. When I started writing it a week or so ago, I never had the intention to publish it, It was just my way of counselling myself, & i've really enjoyed writing about what im thinking, it's been good therapy
Some of it is crude, some of it is silly, most of it will probably make people think i'm a dick, I find these are the things that make me, well 'Me'. so what have i got to lose
What i hope to achieve is the whole IVF process, from a man's point of view

31/07/12

Maybe if I’d thought of doing this sooner, I would have to actually think about what to put to fill in the blanks. But I reckon I can do that as I go along.

See, being a drummer where well known for been ‘not very bright’ & the less said about postmen the better. Maybe that’s why I haven’t managed to procreate, Nature just simply won’t allow it. Drummers & postmen are at the bottom of the gene pool, so the spawn of something that low, would be similar to the product of interbreeding?

It’s definitely a good think Libby isn’t a drummer, imagine a child born from two drummers, that’s too scary to even contemplate.

So, yeah, I’m not entirely sure that I ‘get’ the process of IVF, but seeing as we start the process in little over a weeks time, I thought I’d try & document it.
So far all I know I’m not allowed to do the rude thing for 4 days prior to the 1^st appointment & I have to take a sperm sample to the hospital with me. I should be used to this process, as I’ve been there before & got the t-shirt
The sperm must be a product of masturbation & delivered to the hospital within half an hour (Please don’t think about me tugging one off, & now I’ve put that, you have a mental image of something you don’t want to see. Well stop it)
anyway the last time I chickened out of taking the sample in, so I made Libby do it. I know the staff of the hospital see this kind of thing daily, but I’ve never had to do it, so it’s majorly embarrassing, walking through a hospital with a small pot of warm ‘baby gravy’ is just way too odd for me. But fine for Lib to do (YES I AM A TYPICAL BLOKE)
So… to save myself from embarrassment this time, I’m going to put the small pot in a big bucket. You see, being a typical bloke, I’ve probably bragged about being able to fill a bucket or something to that effect. Maybe I believed I was part elephant.

01/08/12

Got our 1^st appointment booked in for next Thursday. Thankfully, I don’t have to take a sample with me. I have to do it while I’m there!
I received a leaflet with the following guidance… I have to abstain from sexual contact for 4 days in preparation, I have a cubical to myself (good job really, it could be a little awkward otherwise) Magazines are provided if required. (I’m hoping & preying the previous user hasn’t stuck the pages together *shudder*
Here's a thought though, they should laminate it, wipe clean porn is definitely the way forward, I should patent that idea.)
If after an hour, I haven’t produced a sample, I should go for a brief stroll & talk to a member of staff.

So, I have to consult a member of staff? The only thought that entered my head at that point is, y’know that movie Road Trip? There's the scene where they donate sperm for cash, & E.L (Seann William Scott) asks for assistance & ends up getting a rectally induced ejaculation.( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rtUvlR1pZE)  Surely that won’t happen in Sheffield …right?
In all honesty I think i've gotten off lightly, Libby has to have blood tests & have an internal scan of her lady bits

06/08/12

It’s getting closer, 4 days until our first appointment. Four days of abstinence! … here we go, shouldn’t he hard (blatant innuendo)
We’ve already been given an a date for our second appointment to discuss the results from our 1^st session, & this has set me off on a bit of a ponder.
Despite trying my damn best to stay positive & mostly succeeding (you have no idea how hard that is for me) What would happen if there was any kind of problem. What if Libby’s eggs we’re unusable for what ever reason, would that mean using an egg donor? Then there’s something I’d struggle to get my head around, cos that’d mean it’s be my sperm used to create something that’s part of someone else, someone I’ve never met & probably never will. Would I be able to accept a child that isn’t 100%  ‘ours’? for almost the same reason why adoption isn’t an option for me, or at least it isn’t right now
In the past when I’ve thought about adoption, I always come back to the conclusion that I’d not be able to love a child that wasn’t mine as much as I would if it were my own flesh & blood. In effect an adopted child is kinda like a pet to me (for want of a better turn of phrase) …anyway I digress. I’d much rather have something that’s ours as opposed to something that’s mine.
I’m not saying I wouldn’t entertain the thought of using an egg donor, it’s just a lot for me to think about.

Another thought that’s crossed my mind recently is: If both my sperm & libby’s eggs are fine, but both funded attempts to create life fail, we’d then have to look at funding it ourselves (which isn’t cheep) How do you put a price tag on human life?
Could you look at your child & think that cost me £7000 (don’t ask Angelina Jolie, we already know the answer)
To be honest, I think I’d happily pay the money, because you’re gonna get a day when your son/daughter looks up at you & smiles & that moment has got to be worth millions, if not priceless
Would I get a receipt? Can I take it back for refund or exchange? (as if i would)