#23 I think i'm broken

19th March 2013

Oh what a truly fucking horrible day! (sorry for the bad language)
After yesterdays good news at the clinic, it seems like everything is crashing down around me.
Yesterday, I threatened to quit my job, because i was refused time off, but then thought things should have been alright because the embryo transfer is going to take place next week instead, but it now turns out i'm probably not going to get that day off either. & from what i can gather, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it
"There is no automatic right to time off for fertility treatment but time off for medical appointments related to fertility should be treated in the same way as any other medical appointment under your employer’s policy"  Because it's not me personally having the procedure done, I seemingly don't have a leg to stand on.
this has been constantly rattling around my head all day to the point that i've not been able to think about anything other than this & it's driving me crazy, I've made so many mistakes & delivered tons of mail to wrong address's (& if anyone complains I will not be held responsible for my actions) Now I just feel absolutely drained & void of any kind of enthusiasm. I'm now seriously considering quiting my job, because I don't believe Royal Mail is a company I want to work for anymore

I decided to phone CARE, just to check whether or not I need to be there, & it turns out I don't because I've already signed all the necessary consent forms. You think that'd make things clearer & i'd be happy to go to work. No chance, I feel just as shitty! Because I'm a hardcore pessimist misery guts, all I can think of now is, if anything goes wrong & I'm not there, I will hold myself & probably even my manager responsible. I need to be there for my own sanity. It's all messing with my head & it's freaking me out BIG TIME! I'm starting to wish everything would just stop