#8 Hopes & Fears

11/09/2012
I want to thank everyone for their kind words of support, it's been a really big help. Even though I haven't done this for sympathy or praise, it's still nice to receive it. I originally did it as a bit of Therapy for myself, getting some things of my chest & maybe help other people who going through similar things, Especially the blokes out there who don't like asking for help or talking about subjects like this, because it is hard

I'm praying that if all this works, that we have a boy, because there's far to many females in this house already & I never get to watch what I want on tv because there's ALWAYS bloody soap opera's on, Even the dogs are higher in the pecking order than me. I'd be safer getting in the chinchilla's cage.
In all honesty, I really don't care if it's a boy or a girl, & wouldn't want to know before it's birth, I wan't to experience all the fun & surprises along the way, I want to be like a little kid at Christmas, But i'm getting ahead of myself, I don't want to get my hopes to high, purely because there's still so much that can go wrong,
We already have a high risk of an ectopic pregnancy, which is far too scary for me to even contemplate. plus there's the other risks that go with having children after the age of 30, like higher risk of Downs syndrome & other disabilities & scariest of all miscarriage, I really think that would be like a hammer blow to us if that happened again.

13/09/2012
Y'know when I started writing this blog, I said 'some of it will make you think I'm a dickhead' Well this is going to be one of those posts, Because the stage we are now at with our treatment, (I keep saying OUR treatment, when in fact I don't have a great deal to do, besides getting acquainted with little plastic pots) things are quite slow moving & not a great deal to write about, so i'm going to air some thoughts & views that will probably put people off me &/or this blog ...Sorry!

It has occurred to me many times that if we hadn't waited til now to start trying for a family things might have been very different & perhaps less complicated, but i'm kinda glad we did. purely for the reason that the current 'younger' generation scares the crap out of me. For example If I look out of my front windows right now (Or at almost any time of the day, except in winter) I see families sat outside their houses smoking & drinking (including a pregnant teenager), shouting & swearing at each other in front of young children, shouting & swearing AT young children. Litter & beer cans all over the place. Kids running all over the road & it's quite a busy road too, It's a miracle no one has been hurt. Children aren't taught respect any more either, We had an incident a week or so ago, where one of the kids from the house opposite threw a piece of wood at our car as we parked up on the street. Libby confronted the mother about it, & all she said was "he's a right little c*nt" with no apology what so ever, then she she threatened to beat the kid when she got hold of him. What has that taught the kid or any other kid that saw it? I dread to think
I know this isn't just happening on my street or even just in Maltby, its almost every village, town & city throughout the country.
So hopefully, by waiting to have kids, they might miss this generation altogether & things might improve, I doubt it, At least it can't get much worse. ...I hope
One though does enter my mind quite a lot is that there should be some form of licence to have kids, like you would for a car, you learn how to be a parent before you can become one. We had to be checked that we didn't have a criminal record & we could provide a safe environment for a baby (See previous blog) before we could start our IVF, so why isn't such a thing applied to people having kids naturally? Although that would be impossible to enforce & probably against a whole load of human rights

14/09/2012
Today I saw quite possibly the most horrifying thing ever. A woman at a cash machine with a little girl & a dog. Not that scary eh? Anyway the dog bolted off across the road, The woman chased after the dog leaving the little girl stood on her own on a relatively busy high street, not many people around but plenty of cars. I told Libby to pull over so I could go after the dog So the woman could stay with the kid, but she carried on running after dog, leaving a child aged 5 or 6 crying her eyes out. I know we do silly things when we panic, but to leave a child on their own to go after a dog is disgraceful. Anything could have happened to her. she could have run out into the road & got hit by a car, kidnapped or anything sinister like that, How did the woman know I wasn't going to do something horrible? luckily I managed to calm the girl down & take her to her mum or whoever she was. Typically, I didn't even get a thank you. WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY??? I despair, I really do.

15/09/2012
I was recently having a conversation in a group on Facebook about my fears of being a parent. The lady I was speaking to, said her "eldest of three is now 20 years old & it's still quite scary & doesn't really get much easier. Shame there's no instruction book" So I started looking around the internet for 'Good Parenting guides' & was amazed at some of the things that were suggested, things that are common sense. But if it is that easy, why do so many people seem to find it hard work?
I'm not the brightest of people, not by a long shot, but I do pride myself on my common sense approach to life, so hopefully I'll be able to rise to the challenge, & I'm sure it will be challenging. But If we can care for our foster daughter, a hormonal teenage girl (with added baggage) we can just about care for anything.
But maybe there should be a lot more additional help out there for for people that want & need it. Well that's if it's not there already.